You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
