I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
