Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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