I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
tell me about the fingering
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