I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
