On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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