I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
