hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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