I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
