I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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