I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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