We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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