Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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