I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
