you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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