Screwed.edu
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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