Don't you send me to vm
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
