i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
