can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
