My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
