I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
