OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
