Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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