I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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