I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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