At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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