What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
