Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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