Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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