She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
