somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
