as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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