It's like a parade of train wrecks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
