just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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