totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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