I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
