Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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