They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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