Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
