O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
