Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
