he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
