Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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