Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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