3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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