Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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