I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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