If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
