My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
