Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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