Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
