Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
