i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
