I'm really into asian looking animals
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
