when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
