is your mom at the bar?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
